Because of how sick I was during my first trimester I had already had to take a lot of time off of school. So I was determined to work up until my little miss decided to make her grand entrance. But I had it in my head that she would be at least a week late and was going to be my May baby. I went back and forth in deciding if I should make sub plans for the week after my due date. My teacher friends know what a pain making sub plans are and I really didn't want to use the little energy I had writing sub plans that I was sure I wouldn't use because my baby wasn't coming until May. *(My first trimester should have been an indicator that this little girl had a mind of her own and was going to do things her way). That's why we were still putting together the last minute touches to my sub plans when I went into labor. (Big shout out to Brandon, my mom, and my cousin Kendra for all the work they did that day after school since I was basically useless.) But we did get them finished so I was all ready for my baby to make her grand enterance AFTER her due date, because I Was NOT going to write one more day of plans (I had already written four weeks worth).
Looking back I was probably having contractions all day Tuesday (the 21st) and just didn't realize it (yeah dumb I know). There were points during my lessons throughout the day where I would have to stop teaching for a second because I couldn't talk past the pain. Even walking the hallways of school was hard and several people commented on how it looked like I was going to pop. Because I hadn't felt anything like it before I just assumed these were Braxton Hicks that everyone talks about.
When I got home the pain only seemed to increase when I got home so Brandon sent me to bed early since I was determined that Audrey was NOT going to come until at least after school Friday.
Finally around 11:00 Brandon started timing my contractions and by 1am we were headed to the hospital. However, when the nursed checked me I was only dilated to a 1, she said that if I didn't make any progress so they would discharge me since my water hadn't broken. When she came back I had only progressed to a 2 but they noticed that Audrey's heart rate wasn't very strong so they wanted to keep me in.
So by 4:30 the anesthesiologist came and gave me the epidural. When a curled up so he could get a better look at my spine, my water broke. However again I didn't really understand at what had just happened and I thought I had peed myself. I was mortified!!! I kept apologizing to the nurse, who just laughed and explained what had really happened. After that I was able to get some much needed rest. But I was still worried about what was going to happen to my class for school Wednesday- Friday of this week. I hadn't made any sub plans for before due date!! Luckily I had the most amazing understanding principal and team members who found me a sub and helped my class through those days so I didn't have to worry about them.
Wednesday was a long day with my progress being very slow. But by 4:00pm Wednesday I was fully dilated and was able to start pushing! However after about an hour of pushing the doctor informed me that Audrey was facing the wrong way and couldn't get her to rotate, that and though I was fully dilated she wasn't making any progress. During all of this her heart rate was still much lower than ideal and the doctor was worried that pushing would put her in distress. He recommend a C-Section.
When I heard those words my heart dropped. I felt like I had failed. This was what my body was supposed to be made for, and yet I couldn't. I had spent months researching birth plans, reading birthing stories. I had taken classes and read books that stressed the importance of vaginal birth over cesarean. I wanted to experience the joy of feeling my baby come into this world, to have Brandon cut the cord, to do skin to skin. Even to this day it's hard for me to admit that I couldn't make my body give birth in the way that I had wanted.
However, my primary goal was a healthy baby so we agreed to the C-section. They gave Brandon his "michelin man" outfit he had to wear in the OR and we were off. Being on the table in the operating room I couldn't stop shaking. I kept asking Brandon if he was cold too but the nurse explained that it was the adrenaline that was making me shake. Finally the doctor's announced that Audrey was here but she was going to have to go to the NICU straight away because she wasn't breathing on her own. I told Brandon that he needed to go be with Audrey,I had no idea how bad it was and I didn't want her to be alone.
As the doctor's were stitching me back up, it amazed me that they were carrying on such a normal conversation. I don't know why this surprised me so much but it was weird listening to them talk to each other about their children and lives while sewing my insides back together.
They wheeled me back to my delivery room and I felt kind of empty. This was not how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be spending the first hours of my daughter's life with her, not alone in my hospital room. Finally they let me go see her in the NICU. I felt really weird having to be wheeled into the NICU laying on my bed. Looking at her, I was afraid that if I touched her I might break her, but the nurses assured me that she was doing great and would be able to leave very soon. I was already so in love with this tiny little girl in front of me.
As I looked around the NICU at the other babies there with their families I realized how petty I had been. No, my birth plan didn't go the way that I wanted it to, but I had a heathy baby who would get to come home with me. All of my concerns now seemed very trivial compared to what some of the mothers around me were facing. I promised myself that I would try to look for the positive. As cliche as it sounds it really was an eye opener for me.
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